AN INTERVIEW WITH XAVIER AUTREY HOLSCHNEIDER

Xavier Autrey Holschneider won 1st Prize in our recent Black & White competition with a striking image that combined self-portraiture with layers of hand-made props, and that judge Hengki Koentjoro praised for how it “sparks imagination, evokes emotion, and pulls viewers into a dreamlike world full of hidden meaning.”

Keen to know more about the image and the broader series from which it was taken, along with Xavier’s background and route into photography, process and inspirations, we put some questions to him. And his answers – including honest reflections on his mental health and the role of photography in managing it – are well worth reading…

Xavier, congratulations on winning our Black & White competition! Where do we find you in the world? Please introduce yourself in a few words…

Hi! I’m currently at home in San Diego. I’m originally from Mexico City but moved to California about three years ago. I’m a 38-year-old father of four who works in finance. Photography became a hobby on my 20th birthday when my mother gifted me a Nikon D80 after my best friend passed away in a car accident. What started as a way to find joy during a difficult time turned into a lifelong passion.

We understand that the image is from a series of self-portraits titled Nocturnal Reverie. Can you tell us a little more about the intent behind that series, and this particular image?
Like many people, I’ve struggled with mental health. Over time, I’ve learned that thoughts are not who we are—they’re like clouds passing through the sky of our consciousness. Through practices like meditation and self-awareness, you can learn to observe them instead of fighting or controlling them.

Sometimes, these thoughts—like dreams—can feel dark or scary, but with practice, you can let them go and avoid getting lost in them. This series was about creating an otherworldly, dark atmosphere where everything feels vague, scary, or harsh, yet finding peace within it.

And from a practical perspective, how do you construct these idiosyncratic images? We understand there’s no Photoshop, with all effects created in-camera or on set…

I love working with my hands and incorporating handmade elements into my self-portrait shoots. The eyes, hands, and other items you see were drawn by me on paper, cut out, and glued to acrylic sheets. I placed these between myself and the camera.

The stark black-and-white contrast was achieved using blue light, which, when processed as harsh black and white in-camera, creates deep shadows. I didn’t plan this effect initially—it was a happy accident—but I loved how it worked with my concept, so I leaned into it.

How important is it for you to avoid digital post-processing, especially when producing imaginative, dream-like images? Is it about creating challenges and constraints, or something else?

It’s not about self-imposed constraints—I simply don’t know how to use Photoshop well, and when I’ve tried, it felt slow and frustrating. I enjoy making things with my hands. For example, drawing and painting a hand manually feels more rewarding than digitally creating one with a single click.
While I can’t always incorporate handmade elements into my work, I plan to continue exploring props and physical effects. The process is doubly rewarding—once when I create the props, and again when I use them in a shoot.

You mention profession is in finance, and that you have four children—a busy life, no doubt! How do you fit photography into all this? Is it a respite from daily life, or something else?

It’s definitely hard to find “me” time with four kids, but my wife and I balance things by supporting each other. We each carve out time for ourselves, whether it’s working out, meeting friends, or going to the movies.

For me, booking a studio for a couple of hours with an idea and a collection of props has become the ultimate “me” time. It’s fulfilling on two levels: I get to do something I love—taking photos—and it serves as a form of therapy. Standing in front of the camera, I reflect on my emotions and struggles, incorporating them into the shoot. I leave feeling refreshed and energized. In 2025, I hope to schedule at least one session like this each month.

A lot of your work is self-portraiture. Why the fascination with this art form? Where did it begin? It seems tied to exploring your own psyche—is that fair?

That’s fair and accurate. Self-portraits have become a way to affirm my mental health journey. At this stage in my life, I can look in the mirror and say, “This is me. I’m okay. I like what I see.”

For me, self-portraits are a test of how comfortable I am with myself—both in my own eyes and in how others may perceive me. This act of defiance and confidence is deeply empowering.

I’ve always been introspective, and my mental health journey has taught me that most people share similar feelings to varying degrees. Becoming aware of my thoughts and emotions has made me calmer and more serene. I genuinely enjoy reflecting on the human experience.

Who or what inspires you, inside and outside of photography?

Many photographers inspire me, including Jack Davison, Lydia Roberts, Sarah van Rij, Pie Aerts, Robbie Lawrence, and Alexander (@wrapped.nil on Instagram).

Music is also a big influence—I used to run a music blog and love pairing music with my work. I’m intentional about selecting songs for my Instagram posts. Check them out and let me know what you think!

Do you have a favorite shot? Can you talk us through it?

This shoot has been the most rewarding so far. It was a complete process, not just a happy accident. Over several days, I painted the eyes, then the hands, and eventually found a studio. The entire experience felt fulfilling and meaningful.

What has been your best photographic experience to date?

Winning this award! It gave me the validation I’d been seeking externally (despite years of therapy reminding me to find it within). It’s taught me to trust myself when I say, “This is cool, and I want to explore it.”

What advice would you give your younger self?

Go to cognitive behavioral therapy sooner—haha! I’d also sum it up as: Your thoughts are not you. They’re not the truth. Learn to accept discomfort, let go of comfort, and focus on being rather than thinking about being (still working on that last one).

Finally, what will we see from you in 2025?

You’ll see a lot! I’m starting the year with a trip to the Kumbh Mela Festival in India, led by Dutch photographer Pie Aerts. I’m excited to see how my experiences shape the images I create there.

I’m also interested in exploring layers—using props, experimenting with composition, and applying these ideas to both self-portraits and candid family shots. I’m not sure exactly what I’ll create, but I’m committed to giving each project the time and space it deserves.

Thank you again to Life Framer, judge Hengki, and everyone who appreciated my work. Reflecting on these questions has been deeply rewarding. I’m humbled and grateful. Best wishes for 2025 to you and your team!